作者：Horneypet Butthamster, The Ties That Bind.
A friend introduced me and my owners to a newbie who wanted to try spanking at the BDSDM uniform party last month. Just like almost every newbie, this one has been fantasizing this for so long. Shy but excited, they are eager to try yet have no idea what would happen at all.
I would like to thank my friend for trusting me and my owners. It is normal that people with more experience should guide new comers to experience in any field. However, I still hope that everyone who is new to spanking (and new to the BDSM scene) can spend some time thinking about “things beyond the hard limits” in addition to being nervous and fantasizing. After all, it’s your own body and mental health. You should care more about that!
1. 打屁股在「揍人」跟「挨揍」以外，還有更多學問！Spanking is more than just “spanking” and “being spanked”!
It is not enough to just think about how hard you spank or how much you can take during spanking. Both spankers and spankees may have tried to spank themselves, but still want to know what it feels like to really spank someone or get spanked. The spankees also might want to know where their limits is during spanking. In fact, there are several more aspects to be considered!
How to use a tool and the feeling it brings are decided by its type (strap, whip, stick, or paddle, etc), material (density and hardness), shape and even how it is processed. This is also why the diversity of spanking tools is so fascinating. Moreover, different parts of body feels differently to spanking! Usually an experienced spanker arranges different tools in order from light to heavy before a session, while a spankee develops their preference of specific tools through understanding their feelings about various tools.
Tolerance varies from person to person, and one’s tolerance is affected by mood, body condition, and the spanking rhythm, etc. The most ideal spanking “first experience” should start with a warm-up by hand spanking or lighter tools. Similar to a warm-up before exercising, it increases your tolerance as the pain increases. The spanker should control the rhythm appropriately. Strength, speed and pauses should be considered so that the spankee is allowed to think about their feelings, take a breath and recover.
Everyone likes spanking for different reasons. Some think “sensation play” is more important than giving or receiving pain. The cold or smooth or tickling texture as spanking tools slide against the skin; sharp or dull pain, deep or shallow of the strike; teasing and the excitement of it; or the visual pleasure of watching the spankee squirming……These are the delight we feel beyond giving or receiving spanking.
When it comes to the first spanking experience, I expect that the one with more experience be able to explain the pain that different tools bring on different body parts, or how different tools should be used. In this way the newbie will know what they are doing, what details should be concerned, and be given time to assess if they like it or not. Of course, sometimes we aren’t able to decide our preference in the first few sessions, but these are sure to help you think and feel.
2. 事前協調 Negotiation and Communication Before Play
Basically what you need to know/discuss is as the followings.
- Each other’s experience. This helps you decide how to play and guide.
- What tools or positions you would like to try. Everyone has different preference.
- Safeword. In addition, you should check your partner’s feelings frequently.
- Pants/Panties on or off? It’s easier to observe the spankee’s skin condition with pants off, but if the spankee wants their pants on, please respect their decision!
- Special health condition, mental condition, allergy to specific materials (wood,leather, etc). Just for your safety when emergency happens.
- The newbie has the right to offer the preferred process. Separate the session into short parts. For example, take a pause after every 5 spank to think and discuss your feelings.
3. 反應 Reaction During Play
To a spanker, reactions of the spankee are very important indication of their condition. Therefore, it is unnecessary for a spankee to force themselves to endure too much pain. It is okay to reflect your feelings, or ask for adjustment at anytime. Many spankees like to test their limits at the first spanking, but I suggest that you should wait until you are familiar with your reactions and preference for different tools. This also helps your tolerance. Last but not least, the session should pause as soon as anyone (either the spanker or the spankee) feels uncomfortable. Don’t be shy to call a pause!
4. 事後回饋 Aftercare and Feedback
After a spanking session, it is always nice to give each other some compliments/encouragement, depending on their needs. It could be giving hugs, or tell them that they did well during spanking. We call this “aftercare”. The spanker can remind the spankee to do some butt-care at home. The spankee can observe the bruises and how long it takes to recover. And don’t forget to give feedback and share afterthoughts. The top and the bottom should grow and learn together.